SouthLAnd S4 Notable Quotes Episodes 1-5

Episode 1  

Sammy:  I don't thing your Pilates teacher's opinion should get more weight than the surgeon general.

Tang:  Gonna shoot out the tires, TJ Hooker?

Cooper:  OK.  You can go home with a ticket or you can go to jail with my foot in your ass.

Mother of son who was pulled over for texting while driving:  It’s going to take Jesus and two more white folks to keep me from kicking your ass.

Dewey:  Just head into the light, brother. Oh that's right there is no light where he's headed.

Cooper:  I can see why you'd prefer jail.

Dewey:  Now that’s an appropriate resting place for that piece of shit.

Ferguson:  Dalai Lama with a gun and a badge.

Lydia:  You know what man.  People have a choice; no matter what hand you’re dealt.  You can either rise above, or drown.  The choice is yours.  Can’t nobody make it for you.

Lydia:  I guess she finally got to see the ocean.

Episode 2   

Captain:  Mickie D's needs all the help they can get. The McRib is back.


Sammy:  He's an OG with stripes on his arms.  Our job just got harder.

Lydia:  We have to speak for the dead whether they deserve it or not.


Ben:  Ma'am?  We have your cat.

Captain:  And we kick ass until we smell shit.

Tang:  Ding Dong.  This is some strange shit right here.


Officer Jones:  Grambo ain't no joke.

Lydia:  Guilt never surprises me. Only innocence does.

Sammy:  It's a shame to break this up. I feel like the father in Footloose.


Ben:  She's not dead.  None of our guys are hurt.  It's a good day.

Tang:  My sister would give her left arm for that bag.

Dewey:  It looks like somebody already did.

Cooper:  Full moon in broad daylight.  How’s it hanging sir?


Lydia:  If criminals were smart, we'd be out of a job.

Officer Jones:  How can you sit so comfortably with balls that big?

Dewey:  Kinda like riding a moped.  It’s fun as hell until someone catches you on one.

Episode 3   

Cooper:  You know my old partner? He would have jumped.

Sammy:  I got a Costco, a Walmart, and K-mart all within a square mile.

Ben:  It's not everyday a murder scene turns into a block party. 

Sammy:  Parking enforcement's on the warpath.

Tang:  This is on us.

Cooper:  No.  It’s always gonna end this way.

Episode 4   

Ben:  I thought you had a dog?

Sammy:  My ex has him, along with my kid and everything else.


Cooper:  No! No! No! All right.  No coffee places with names involving metaphors, jokes, or any word play whatsoever.  No Sufficient Grounds.  No Sacred Grounds.  No Espresso Yourself.

Crazy Bob:  I’m invisible!  You can’t see me!  (Cooper grabs him)  You CAN see me!


Cooper:  How's the fake ID business going?  Still going strong?


Sammy:  You need to be with your people.  Your people.  In the high desert baby.  Land of the blue.

Episode 5   

Cooper:  I got a lot of problems, kid. Being gay isn't one of them.

Tang:  It's important to celebrate people while they're still here.

Lydia:  I'm hormonal and I've got a gun. Don't mess with me.

Cooper:  Jesus Christ is your son?  You must be very proud.

Sammy:  Pranking is an art form. You need to leave it to the pros.

Cooper:  I’m not leaving until I get six stripes.  Plus one day.

Ruben:  Take your time. They'll still be dead when we get there.

Ben:  Badge bunnies are predators. I don't go after them. They come after me.

Cooper:  You can be who you are without making yourself a walking target.

Cooper:  You didn’t do anything wrong, Michael.  You’re not the problem, they are.

Cooper:  It will get better.  I DO know; it’s going to get better.  I know Mike.

Cooper:  This isn’t the answer.  You’re better than they are.  Stronger.  You can’t let ‘em win.  You gotta fight, Mike.  You gotta fight every day.

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Watch for Episodes 6-10 coming this Tuesday.